I'm blogging for the first time now as a way to show people that what goes on in my head is really not that different than anyone else's, there are just certain distortions that prevail in my consciousness than just aren't prevalent in others'. I'll do my best to describe who I am, why I feel and think the way I do, and what led me to do the things I did in the past that had a major impact on everyone around me.

The first thing you have to understand is that my eccentric behavior goes all the way back to the beginning. For instance, at the age of 20, a customer at Starbucks recognized me from kindergarten. She told me of all the kids she's seen in her tenure of public school teaching, I was by far the most memorable.

Things with me just seemed a bit off par from the rest of the class. It's always been an even division of maturity. In some ways my perception of the world and life in general is years(sometimes decades) beyond all of my peers. In contrast, there are a great many things that I am oblivious to, just inept in every way. So it's been a constant battle to fight back from the fringes and try and get to the middle. All I wanted of life when I was a child was to live a life that was memorable, off the beaten path, and intriguing. It certainly happened, but not nearly in the ways I had anticipated. I've seen more darkness and evil than most any could fathom, the kind of horrible things that literally scar your insides for life once you've seen them. At that point there's no going back, you have to adapt to the fact that you are now, and always will be: damaged.