Basically it's too tawdry to go into great detail, as it would only serve to cook up feelings of resentment against people who have enough as it is. The story here is that my mom ordered me to attend. She told me that I would walk her down the aisle. And I tried my absolute hardest to be there. Truth is, I just can't.
It would take too long to explain completely what happens when my mom does something moving forward with this guy, and there's no scientific reality to why it affects me so much. Only a series of events have drawn clear that this is something I need to shy away from. When they got together in early 2008, I quickly ended 3 years of sobriety. When they went back to Maine for a week so my mom could finish the divorce proceedings, I drank so much that I blacked out and lost my car, never to be seen from again. The list goes on, but the sad truth is that I can't handle the fact that my mom was more interested in her own love life than in preserving the little family I had to begin with.
She's a sweet woman, but she raised me and the vast majority of my values and ethics were created by her. And 3 years ago she betrayed almost all of them. So in the wake of that I've been forced to figure out whether or not she is just a flawed human being, or if my trying to be a good man is a moot point. Which it may well be if people are all inherently evil and self-serving. I don't know.
I do know that on Saturday morning I'll be working hard at a job that I love, despite the fact that I'm crippled. And my mother may never speak to me again. But I took a page from her book, and saw that this time, more than ever before, I needed to take care of myself first.
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